Edit: Whatever path I do take in the future... I want to reach a level of enough experience, whether it be in a career or just "life in general", where I can give good, honest advice to others. Maybe be a jerk while I'm at it, but still be respected, a "Dr. Cox" if you will (Mike).
Huzzah!
Anyways... I think thats more important to me than purpose I think... having people to help, not only practically, but through wisdom. THATS the word I was looking for, wisdom.
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Chances are that this is just a result of panic and stress over exams... perhaps it's a mixture of many things, but none the less, the feeling is here and it sucks....
Not knowing direction. The other night I lay awake in bed not able to sleep while my mind raced, unfortunatly sleep didn't exactly make it all go away. I honestly have no idea where i'm going. Sure i'm going to school... but for what? An arts degree? I don't know what I want to do with that... I could be a teacher sure, that'd be swell haha, but thats not the satisfying "dream come true" for me. I want to know what is right in life for me, I want to know my "calling" as it were.
Whatever, i'll stress about this on my own later on, I'm not depressed or anything haha far from it, I'm just confused. I try reminding myself that i'm still young, and quite a bit younger than people i might be comparing myself to who are "on the right path" but still... the worlds competitive, I just feel if i don't get a grip soon, then I'm going to fall.
In other much happier news, Cry of the Afflicted show last night, awesome, amazing, they are the best. Too bad you wern't there mike, missed you bud, next time. Next time.
Also, for those who may not know but possibly take a gander at this blog from time to time, This christmas/newyears/ ("Politically correct/irritating "holiday season?) I am going to Hawaii with the entire extended family and such. I'm really looking forward to it for obvious reasons, spending time with cousins who I havn't seen in years now due to my travels and such.
Well.... Final at 6.pm tonight, I have no doubt in my mind that this blog was me trying to get away from it.... but back I go "cadre parties and single member pluralities" (it's as exciting as it sounds!!)
3 comments:
I've been saying "it must be a second year thing" but I think it might be truer to say "it must be a nineteen year old thing". We're one year away from twenty and it seems the whole world is going to seed and a lot of people are suddenly experiencing the (excuse my french) "Holy fuck, what am I DOING with my life?" realization.
We'll all get through it, at least I'd like to think we will. And if not, to quote my favorite Incubus song of the summer, "We'll always have each other, when everything else is gone". Yay for friends!
I like friends!
I've been doing a lot of thinking myself bud, so Amanda might be right, well have a good talk over coffee while im home about Milton and feelings...
At the risk of sounding like someone's mom... you guys all sound perfectly normal to me! You really don't have to have it all figured out at the ripe old age of 19. I'm pushing 50 and I still have days when I wonder "what am I DOING with my life"... I've just dropped the 'Holy f***' part! :) Take your time... you will eventually look back at these years and really wonder what was the rush... just enjoy your lives and you'll figure it all out in time. There... how's that for wisdom?
Love you guys,
Mike's Mom
ps have a wonderful Christmas in Hawaii Jonathan!
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