Pirates 3

... *cough

**** I AM giving away and tearing apart the movie.... so don't read if you haven't seen it.


So I saw Pirates 3 as well....and to be honest...

The lamest parts of the movie were the ones revolving around the pirates... which was disappointing (seeing as the entire movie revolves around pirates), but especially the Pirate Lords. What was up with that? We have one pirate that looks like memoirs of a geisha, another one that looks like whatshismask from V for Vendetta, and then finally.... one that was a freaking knight who says Ni!

Keith Richards was the most awkwardly placed characters of the movie, who offered nothing new other than giving Sparrow a father (which took away from his "epic" nature, and also! What was with the whole split personality thing? They focused less on his quirky nature that people loved from the previous movies and now they just give him random.... others?)
"Instead of writing clever lines for him.... lets just make him every character that he ever needs to talk to!"


Aside from parts of the movie that made me laugh (at) There were some other parts that butchered some of my favorite parts of the last two movies. Particularly Davy Jones. He was my favorite ever since the first scene when you saw the Flying Dutchcman shoot out of the water in the second movie.... as he ominously walks up the deck and offers his spooky ultimatum. "Do you fear Death?...." Anyways, not only did this movie take any any prestige that this "master of the sea" carried in the second movie (by making him the East India Trading companies pet, thus proving him to be in fact the weakest of all the pirates? But we're still supposed to fear him? All because Mr. 4'6" gets all freaky deaky about shooting the heart and blah blah blah), but they also made a butchering of his awesome "do you fear death" speech from the second movie. In this one, anytime ANYONE is at gunpoint or at the end of a blade.... heck, even if someone was maybe a bit sad in this movie he would pop out his "Do you fear *sucking sound* death?"

(speaking of 4'6", did anyone else notice that he had the most epic death of any character from all 3 movies?? Even Sparrow being eaten by the Kraken wasn't as Epic as his slow motion 300 esque walk through the exploding ship, then his body landing in the floating flag with the silhouette of his crushed empire behind him? Yikes, I didn't realize he was THAT 'big' of a character, heh

On the note of Davey Jones... I don't think I even have to mention ANYTHING about the 80 foot Calypso that reminded me (personally) of a Gulliver's travels movie I saw in the 90's.

There were two redeeming factors for the movie for me however, one was Barbossa, who is by far my favorite Pirate. He does things right. The other was the fact that the ending had a very Empire Strikes back feeling to it in some parts for me because.... look at it this way:
The entire movie series has (as much as we might like to think it's Depp) revolved entirely around Will Turner and Elizabeth whatserface. Now their entire story has been a tragedy throughout! First she gets kidnapped, then she leaves him then goes for sparrow etc etc. Anyways by the end... He's doomed to fulfill his duty for eternity... heartless, and she can only see him once every 10 years! PWNED! What a downer for the both of them eh? I loved it, there was no corny happy ending to it, in a sense they 'got what they wanted' but it came with a harsh twist, which I thought was amazing. (Unfortunately, the movie had them turning on each other so many times, whether real or not, you kind of forgot that they actually loved each other).
The other ending quality that i loved was the fact that everyone went back to square one in the beginning. Jack doesn't have the Pearl, Barbossa is off with his crew to try to find some immortalizing treasure, (hmm... how will that end?), that old sideburns pirate is back in Tortuga with those two slapping... escorts? Square one, as the last thing we see of Sparrow is him in his little dingy boat. Everyone is where we love them to be at... (except the aforementioned lovers who are doomed to the eternity of love/despair that we saw in Davey Jones and Calypso).


Anyways, I liked the length to be honest... nowadays it's hard to watch a movie thats less than 3 hours long and consider it substantial. All because of Lord of the Rings eh?

I guess it's... just good business