Thursday, May 22, 2008

Snakes, I hate snakes

So, Indiana Jones you are back for another adventure.... and what do you have in store for us this time? We've seen you fight those Raiding Nazi's for the Lost Ark of the Covenant and it's unknowable majesty and power, we've seen you travel to Temples of doom, and even drink from the Holy Grail, wielding the power of immortality. What Henry Jones Jr. will you face in your new great adventure?

-- If you have not seen the movie, then for your sake I have written the following in black, just so you may be spared the spoilers.

So reader has been warned


I mean... I understand, I'm a critique on movies, and lately it's been a rare occurrence for me to give a blockbuster a chance, (or any movie for that matter) But really.... Aliens????? At least it wasn't the ending itself... the "Alien" secret was pretty obvious right from the get-go despite a few of the characters saying at the end "Wait... space men!?". None the less.... not 10 minutes into the movie... the key factor is introduced.

The beginning seemed promising, the groundhog hill bit was a funny little homage to the old Indy flicks, and the soviets immediately storming the scene was true to the Indiana Jones movies we know and love. Then we saw "The Warehouse".

'YES! an homage to Raiders, thats awesome, I wonder if we'll see the Ark.. i hope so, that would be cool, wait maybe not, maybe it would be corny... Jon, Pay attention to the movie...'

Then I see it...
'Whats that? A giant 51 on the door? hmm... Area-51 I guess... thats appropriate, take away from that absurd alien reputation for Area-51 and give it a good solid "Government secret storage" thing.

Appropriate, good call...anyways, I wonder what they are looking for....

Magnetic... a crate... interesting... wait... whats that.... R...osw...ell... oh no... please no.... please don't do this Lucas.... Spielberg! STOP HIM!'

And that was it.... when that crate was opened, the movie had ventured into a new place that Indy writing had never dared to touch on before. No more religious relics, no more power of God, no more bull whip and Nazi's. Now we have Cate Blanchette as "Comrade Scully", looking for the crystal skully of space aliens as the movie continues to take Indy to locations and legends with SO MUCH POTENTIAL.... but such little satisfaction. But I guess what can we expect from this modern age of scientology... makes sense that Xenu is behind it all naturally.
You see.... Indiana Jones is an archaeologist, and now he's running after supernatural skulls that hold alien powers... He is no longer in the same sort of field that he was in previously, instead he is now playing the type of people that were "Predator Fodder" in the AVP movies as they looked for ancient Alien temples under ice and stuff. Except now it's in South America. Surely there could have been some other sort of legends they could have gone off of... especially when dealing with topics such as El Dorado, and Mayans.... but no... instead it's Indiana Jones and the psychic trans-dimensional crystal aliens. (Oh, I almost forgot the multitudes of scenes of cute furry animals... that didn't really add anything to the plot.... whats with the groundhogs and the soviet hating monkeys? anyways)

Even me... who has become infamous to some for being critical over the movies they love, making fun of little writing errors and silly concepts, am in awe of this movie. I mean, as a movie, I loved it. Indiana Jones himself is a legend no matter how old he is. As I said before, the homages to the old movies are great, you even get a glimpse of the Ark of the Covenant which was pretty cool. However my exasperation towards this movie can literally be summed up in the one word below