Monday, October 11, 2010

As I hope to show

This blog post is against my better judgment in light of week 1 of the "Midterm wave", however the risk of becoming the "worst blog poster ever" as Mike so elegantly puts it, motivates me to at least pour something fresh in here.

But what...

This past week was fantastic, quite eventful and at the moment the highlight of this fall. Specifically it was a trip down to Vancouver to see As I Lay Dying/Unearth with Mike, followed by a sitting in the LSAT exam a day later... too much driving. School is school, as mentioned earlier midterms are on the immediate horizon, but I can make up for this lost time tomorrow (what else are birthdays for than hard work?). Thanksgiving yesterday, twas good. Also, Nicole moved out today, so that's noteworthy as well, living in Fernie for the next few months at least.

So that's that on the "current events" side of things... Unfortunately, as eventful as my life truly is, I'm not very good at frequent updates in this chronicling effort... Twitter is over on the side there... I can update that with my phone, so it gets a bit more attention. (However, that's definitely not a chronicle of my life... or at least I hope not).
Wouldn't it be something to become accomplished enough to have a biography written after you? Autobiographies don't seem to have the same flair... more accurate yes, but someone else wasn't so intrigued by your life that they felt the need to put it on paper. Meh... My life is somewhat written in a series of 1's and 0's that if Blogger ceases to be will be lost forever.

On another note, as I mentioned, I went to As I Lay Dying the other day, and it was fantastic. I love the fact that I can have these musicians to admire not only for their music, but on another note for their personal convictions and message. Listening to some of their convicting lyrics is a fresh dose of "examine your own life" that I know I so desperately need... My biggest concern of late is that I keep forgetting to surrender my own sense of entitlement. Unfortunately it's too easy to get caught up in the day to day, comings and goings of a busy life, so much so that my own schedule, my own immediate desires come to the forefront too often. I act and speak before listening too often... This I recognize, and too often excuse with the idea that my own little kingdom that is "life" should be run this way. Thankfully, this recent kick of AILD's lyrics have been the little kick that I needed to remind me of efforts to humble myself.

Humility, that's the word I need to remember. I once (not recently unfortunately) had someone say that I was "too humble", which I took as being the greatest compliment. There is a C.S. Lewis quote I read the other day that went something along the lines of "Love is unselfishly choosing for another persons good", which to me is humility in action. The effort to put aside ones own sense of entitlement, perhaps in my case an overinflated sense of self-worth, and instead focus on this love. Servitude to the interests of those around me, those affected by my life both directly and indirectly. Too often am I focused on the serving myself, and then on a more faith based perspective, is that exemplifying the teachings of Christ? An exemplification that should be on the forefront of my day to day actions. It's an effort to set myself apart from the world that we live in... be against the grain from so many things that I know I should be. I would hope that humility towards my own convictions will keep me on the path I want to tread, without any compromise that I justify by this sense of ownership and entitlement to my own comfort and desires.
Sometimes this train of thought leads me to let myself be taken to an extreme where I entertain ideas of dropping it all to go care for those in need, inspired by those who laid it all down to care for orphans, for widows. I wonder if these ideas are fueled by a sense of "capitalist guilt", or whether the guilt that I feel for not fulfilling them is fueled by something more...
Perhaps guilt isn't the right response at all... appropriately I should be motivated, acting on ideas in an attempt to inspire others. Nevertheless, I feel like I need to do more.
Serve more.
Love more.

I am a walking contradiction that's found consistency
Consuming everything, all without producing sustenance.

In the parallels we struggle to upkeep, there is a better way for us to be set free.
From all it is we crave, there must be more to life than to simply stay alive

We are not the same as I hope to show. There is a better way if we just let go
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